Generosity and Feeling Thankfulness



As February comes to a close in just a few days, I am trying my hardest to remain positive and believe that this year is our year. The Beard has started a new job, I’ve started to lose weight, exercise and make many changes to help us have the best shot of making our Little Leeke. It is just crazy that it was 6 months ago this week that I first injected myself and started the journey.

Sunday I had my first bad day. I really hated being ‘baron’ I hated being a women, I hated be me, I hated The Beard and I hated life. But I snapped out of it as quick as I fell into it and realised I’m so ready to do this to achieve our dream.

In the last six months I have learnt so much, things that I never thought my brain would have to comprehend, I’ve made new friends, I’ve lost “friends” and luckily I have the best relationship with my partner in crime, The Beard, my husband. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, well I think it is safe to say that we are proof in that pudding. As most of you know our Journey ended in tears, tantrums and heartache, but after sulking, screaming and hitting rock bottom, I have picked my self up, made changes and I am doing everything in my power to be strong and ready for round two.

As I said previously I have tweaked my lifestyle, I’m eating better and the right things to help my eggs develop, being near to 37 by the time we start, time isn’t on my side. I’m exercising, walking and sleeping. I am sleeping at the right times and risingnearly and energetic. I have also been introduced to a wonderful lady who is just a Foot Wizadess. Louise has come into my life and I am so happy about this. I have started a course of fertility reflexology and along with that she is sending my diet tips and advice and not only does she make me feel great, healthy and sleep really well after a session (it is just reflexology I promise) she makes me smile and is so easy to talk to. Another thing I am doing that makes me feel like I’m not totally redundant to the cause.

Nik is in the Sperm donation programme, currently awaiting his further blood tests as the lab lost them, yep lost them, but after a brief spell of losing my shit, it’s sorted and these things happen and we shall just remain positive and continue. All of the above makes me proud to be standing here writing this because it proves I’ve mentally turned a very tight corner!

Yesterday my dear, dear friend, sorry OUR (I keep getting told of by the Beard as he was her friend first) posted the link to our Just Giving page that she set up for us when we decided that we wanted to give it another go. I opened it and was blown away. So many people have generously donated to our fund, I was shaking with happy tears. We live in a world where social media takes up way more of our lives than it should, me especially, and these days I find the world of social media very negative so to see the generosity infront of me was just a wonderful thing. Without the help of everyone who’s donated, journey number two would not be on the horizon. With the NHS cuts in our area, and both of us being made redundant and the added grieving, 4 months ago I was never going to have another go. I hated the world  and quite frankly, everything and everyone in it. Including the Beard. Especially the beard. Because he had working parts, he was loved by the Drs and all that jazz but thanks to another good friend shaking me, dragging me out of bed, literally and showing me it was ok not to be ok, here we are.

So Thank you Natasha, yes names are being used for once. Your OUR friend that has hugged me when I’ve got of the phone broken at the news I wasn’t pregnant, set up the page and showed me that their is kindness in the world.  Thank you toneach and everyone of you that has donanted to date, without you I wouldn’t be writing this and be hopeful that one day we will have our baby in our arms.  Thank you Dave, you literally grabbed me out of bed and dragged me outside, shook me and told me to sort my shit out and made me see the very important thing that is it is normal and Ok to not be Ok. Thank you to Leah for offering her eggs and love to help us in creating our miracle of and when and being there as soon as we say we need your help. But mostly to you My Beard, thank you for having working parts, without those and the sperm donation debarcle I wouldn’t be ready, positive and a little excited to go through this with you again.

When baby Leeke arrives, be it this year, next year of by drone in ten years thanks to technology, I am lucky enough to be able to tell my future child that they were made with so much love from so, SO many People.

The world really isn’t all that bad after all

Here’s to the future.

A Desperate Mummy to Be xxxxxxxxx

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