Round Two, Week One, who is this happy me and can she stay???
So for those of you that followed our journey last year will probably remember what a dark, miserable soul I become. How after about day four, I hated me, myself and I and everything and everyone around me. I felt like I was treading water, actually not water, more like a grey thick messy horrible goo that was stopping me being myself and getting to any place that was happy! Well, well well well, here we are, day 10 and honestly I can’t quite get over how different I feel. I feel bloody amazing.
So on Tuesday 18th off I went off to Bourne. I had told the Beard that there was no need for him to miss work and come with and instead I would go with Sheila. Sheila is my dads partner and it just so happens that in the last few years over various events and occurrences, we have ended up spending a lot of hospital time together and becoming quite good hospital buddies! So off we went. I was going in for my “scratch” now that word alone sounds mean, angry like it isn’t something you want to take part in, throw in the word womb along side it and I bet you cross your legs and pull a face like you’ve just sucked a freshly squeezed lemon. So that was what I was in for. The Endometrial scratch is a procedure used to help embryos implant more successfully after IVF. It’s an added cost, it’s something we both looked into and something we decided to go for considering this was out last shot, we should give it our all. So here we were. Me in a gown, legs akimbo on this contraption, I mean chair and sitting, well laying, waiting for the “smear like procedure” to be over! You see that’s what I’d been advised. “Nothing to worry about, just take a couple of pain killers an hour before and the procedure will be just like a routine smear”. Now what I can only assume is the person that informed me of this had themselves had a routine smear, performed by Freddie Kruger and his hands. Not the normal tools, just his sharp, long knife like fingers! That’s nice isn’t it, what a nice way to start a Tuesday. Now please don’t be put of by my beautiful description, because as awful as it was, it was only awful for 15 seconds. Max! As quick as I was at the height of pain, the nurses either side holding my arms down, I mean soothing me, were telling me to breathe they was then saying “well done, it’s all over” so once is regained a sense of normality, calmed down and shook away the image of Freddie Kruger singing the Nightmare in Elm Street song, I was dressed and a wee bit crampy and on my way home! Part one of day one done. All in all I still felt good!
Part two of the day was to start my injections. Yippee. What a jolly day I was having. So I seemed to spend the next few hours clock watching, waiting for 6pm waiting to get back into a routine I’d had a years break from and telling myself “you can do this” The bears would be home, I would be ok and I could do it. 6pm arrived and The Beard was stuck in traffic. Shit! He’s my mentor, he keeps me calm. I couldn’t call him in a panic, I couldn’t worry him as I know he’d be clock watching stressing himself he wasn’t here. Shit shit shit. Then my phone goes off and it’s the Small eyed one. Our bestie, I replied saying “sos I am alone and panicking and shit” the reply I received was perfect. “It only take a minute girl” now may not seem the perfect words of inspiration but I’d like me You was a HUGE Take That fan in the 90s then it was I needed. I started bursting into song, singing loudly and badly and before I knew it I had stuck that needle in me, given myself the first dose of our meds and was smiling. I was smiling. The Beard burst through the door, looking sorry saying sorry and then laughed as I was still standing there saying I done it all by myself and having a little kitchen all by myself, he swiftly joined in.
So here we are day 10. I’m happy. I’m up walking daily, seeing the sunrise, smiling, feeling so full on energy and generally loving life. I am in a big bubble bath and then Jim jams and then bed by 830pm at the latest. I am sleeping naturally and harder than I have in years and so far so good! I know there will be dark times, I cried the other night for 65 minutes and not even sure why, and I’m sure that will happen again and again but I felt it coming. I was in control. I could sense it, take myself away and deal with it!
All in all I’m so ready for this. I’m fully prepared for the ups and downs, I’m fully aware we have a long few weeks ahead and I’m fully aware there are still no guarantees we’ll be parents but you know what, I got this. I’m in control. I’m dealing with it and I’m going to give it the best shot I possible can.
Watch this space.
Lots of love.
A desperate Mummy to be xxxxxx
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