A Need for Nappies

Not the Easter Eggs I had in mind and shocking past 5 Days!  Let me set the scene, it’s been a while, which is a good thing, because recently I’ve been In a really good place, really good and have noticed the weeks flying past me, not the days dragging. It’s been quite enjoyable. Any way, this week that’s all changed and I have to do what I do best when flapping and that is shove it in a blog and get it out of my head! I am currently in hospital, its 4am and I am pretty sure I am still off my head on Morphine, becuse im sitting here writing this and havinf a 'lovely time' No one here is having a lovely time. My head is currently my enemy, so when this wears off and I get the update I can finish this, but here goes Monday my lovely foot wizardess arrived for my last round of fertility reflexology. We sat chatting away, like we always do and I can sense in her normal questions, seemed to be some new ones being asked and all pointing to one thing. Am I pregnant! For a...

As February comes to a close in just a few days, I am trying my hardest to remain positive and believe that this year is our year. The Beard has started a new job, I’ve started to lose weight, exercise and make many changes to help us have the best shot of making our Little Leeke. It is just crazy that it was 6 months ago this week that I first injected myself and started the journey. Sunday I had my first bad day. I really hated being ‘baron’ I hated being a women, I hated be me, I hated The Beard and I hated life. But I snapped out of it as quick as I fell into it and realised I’m so ready to do this to achieve our dream. In the last six months I have learnt so much, things that I never thought my brain would have to comprehend, I’ve made new friends, I’ve lost “friends” and luckily I have the best relationship with my partner in crime, The Beard, my husband. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, well I think it is safe to say that we are proof in that pudding. A...

So its been a while, which I take as a good thing, I mean as I have said time and time again, I feel the need to write when normally I am freaking out or feeling out of control. But recently I have felt good. I have come into this year positive, I have started to look forward as if we will reach our target and we will get another shot, because I have realised that positivity is KEY! Again, i would like to thank everyone who has donated supported us financially, and to everyone who has continued to support us both in ways we can never thank you enough. If, no sorry, positive remember, WHEN we go again, I hope to have all of you by side again, because each and every one of you helped me so much, especially in deciding to go again and that could get through it, what ever the outcome. I have started of the new year by trying to tweak my life style. Little changes here and there not to join the band of new years resolutions, but hopefully to prepare me if we get to have our second c...

So January is nearly, nearly over and the last couple of weeks have probably been the best I have felt in about 6 months. I decided that this year I WAS going to have another go, one way or another we would fund it and I was going to be ready, mentally and physically. I was not sure how to go about this, but somehow I seem to have found my way and I am doing OK. I love a notebook, so with a beautiful new note book in front of me, with the prettiest cover, made for me by the wonderful 'Love Muffin' (she chose that blog name clearly not knowing me well enough that I would use it) I started investigating and planning. I decided to look at what I could do to prepare me, knowing what I know from round one, and soon I was writing down vitamins recommended, pills of loveliness that would make my eggs stronger and in just planning I started to feel my head clear and some calm come back into my life.  The one issue I felt that was stressing me out and causing me so much concern wa...

Its been a while, and I am in the need of writing. Its been a few weeks of wonder and woe, but one thing I have taken from this past few week is that I am not OK, but I am better and I have found myself in a long time. I have planted my tiny feet perfectly back into my happy shoes and I am in my miserable pants less and less. This is a good step. A step that I thought, just a few weeks ago would be so far out of my reach that I would never feel my complete self again. But Thanks to my wonderful support group of a great Beard and a select close friends, I am now laughing more than I am crying, not losing my shit and trivial things, OK I may still do that sometimes, but I am working again, and not freaking out in crowds. So having started to realise that I am in my happy place more often than not, I have started to be really productive in the IVF round 2 planning, now nothing can happen till we reach our target of funds, currently not too far off, but with hard work, the wonder...

What a wonderful few days we have both have. After Thursdays appointment, the utter turmoil pit I had been thrown into head first, along with The Beard, felt impossible to get out of. I could not shake the feeling of utter selfishness, and still am struggling now, but then came along our friends. One of the Witches of Eastwick, who I have mentioned previously and love all of them so much, took it into her hands and gave us the ultimate kick up the arse. She set up a donation page, to try to help us find the funds for another go. She kicked it off with a hearty donation and started the tears rolling for me again on Friday morning. This was something that had been mentioned to me so many times. It was something I was dead against. Me and my husband are not a charity, we should be able to do this ourselves. There are people out there needing so much more, they need it more than us. Then a very lovely lady, who I have not seen for years, but once used to dance with her in local villag...

So this morning we had our follow up appointment. I was nervous, been anxious all week. Worried about bringing it all up again and going through it all. I have come away realising I am not OK  I kinda knew that, but I have become very good at painting a smile on my face and hibernating, well I think that even I could give a bear some pointers. We arrived at the beautiful clinic about ten minutes before our appointment, we was told to wait in the lunch room, a beautiful big room, with the prettiest views and the most beautiful chandelier. I have been in this room many a times, it always calms me, I sit there looking around and telling myself to calm down, breath and keep it together. We was promptly then told to make our way upstairs. Off we went, and as we got to the doors to the ward, I suddenly felt a strong rush of tears welling up. The last time we was here it was excitement and nerves, today was so different. We headed upstairs and we was greeted by our new Dr. WHAT A WO...