A Need for Nappies

Wow, where has the time gone! It seems quite impossible that this time last year I had just started my jabs and for the first time in 36 years, I’d began to grown breasts! Now here we are a year later, a few thousand pound lighter, a couple of stone heavier (not all that is my boobs sadly) and finally, after all this time, ready to begin round two of IVF to hopefully create our dream of having our very own Baby Leeke.  So, for those of you that followed us during round one, will know the following, for those just starting to follow our journey... Round one was a challenge. Changed me inside and out and at some points I was ready to give up. Round one resulted in a suspected Ectopic. We then fell pregnant naturally but resulted in ectopic and losing my final Fallopian tube.  The Beard has been in the Sperm donation programme because he has good little swimmers and amazing has agreed his spent can be used to help up to 5 couples in our similar circumstance. That ...

What a wonderful few days we have both have. After Thursdays appointment, the utter turmoil pit I had been thrown into head first, along with The Beard, felt impossible to get out of. I could not shake the feeling of utter selfishness, and still am struggling now, but then came along our friends. One of the Witches of Eastwick, who I have mentioned previously and love all of them so much, took it into her hands and gave us the ultimate kick up the arse. She set up a donation page, to try to help us find the funds for another go. She kicked it off with a hearty donation and started the tears rolling for me again on Friday morning. This was something that had been mentioned to me so many times. It was something I was dead against. Me and my husband are not a charity, we should be able to do this ourselves. There are people out there needing so much more, they need it more than us. Then a very lovely lady, who I have not seen for years, but once used to dance with her in local villag...

So it has been a little over 2 weeks since the world seemed to stop spinning and the news was confirmed that this was not our time. 2 weeks, it seems like its been the longest drawn out 14+ days in existence, this I am struggling with. See I have been here before, I have dealt with it before, more than once. But I am not going to lie, this is hard. I am not sure if it is still a surge of all those hormones going through me, having no purpose at the moment or its just that this time, I really, hoped, wished and wanted it to be our time. I guess this is why I am writing. As I have said before, it helps. It helped me all through our journey and it is already helping now. Its been a shit couple of weeks, for various reasons, and about half an hour ago, the postman popped a letter through the letter box and there in black and white, the word FAILED! Its knocked me back a bit. I am not sure if it is because it made it all final, definite, not that I was ever hoping for a differ...