A Need for Nappies

Well this is fun! Said no one ever on this dose of drugs I am sure! Since I last wrote, I think I have experienced every form of emotion, every expression from horror to sheer delight has past my face and every possible thought has run through my mind a thousand times. But Here I am today, Wednesday, HUMP day and I may have been forced into being OK as The Beard is down with Man Flu.  Poor old boy, hardly makes a fuss, I mean that is clear that is my role in this Marriage, I nailed that early on in our relationship and he knows the score, but when he grumbled of a sore throat Monday evening, whilst I laid in a massive blanket of self pity and selfishness, I realised he must be feeling it to mention it. He had a restless sleep, I had very little, and he left for work at 5.30am and to be honest, he looked bloody awful, I couldn't get back to sleep, I was hell bent on getting out of the house yesterday, I mean the day before had been a wash out, I cried, I screamed, I broke down...

So it has been a mad week. Emotions running high, patience growing thinner by the minute, the feeling of sadness is constantly glued to my insides and all the while I am trying to stay focused on the greater good. I thought by now I would be feeling different, happier even. I have started the Gonal F injections, so now I have to stick myself in my fat belly with 2 big ass needles, but I thought it would start to perk me up. If anything, the last 2 days, I  have felt worse. Last Wednesday I left my job, my friends and my 9-5 sanity. Thursday I headed off with my pillow and snuggle blanket and sat in the back of a car for 7 hours as I travelled with The Beard and Big Brother to Glasgow for a funeral. The funeral was that of Uncle Davy. Uncle Davy was a true hero and legend of a man, a decorated war hero at 97 years old, we expected a small affair. Well we was wrong. 400 people, including 2 supporter busses from Celtic, being the oldest season ticket holder, he was well loved...

Sorry I have been quiet for a few days. It has been testing and miserable, and I just have kept myself to myself! Friday, I was off work, had a nice day planned, ended up doing none of it and being ill all day and night, joy. So that was a waste of a day’s holiday, although that is irrelevant now as it turns out tomorrow is my last day in my job anyway. I have been in my role a year and a bit, I love my job, love the guys I work with and I am going to be very sad to go, but I decided to take that option, as the stress and changes would not be right for my current, emotionally unstable mind and right now it is all about me and operation baby Leeke.  So Back to the weekend, Saturday was The Beautiful Niece Number one’s baby shower. An event planned for weeks, and one very much looking forward too, up till about Friday afternoon when the panic stated to set in.  I had the worst panic attack, over what I can only explain as nothing and yet it felt like everyth...