A Need for Nappies

I still can’t quite believe that we are one week into cycle 2 of IVF. Something that had come to seem so far out of reach and so distant. But, here we are!  So for those of you that followed our journey last year will probably remember what a dark, miserable soul I become. How after about day four, I hated me, myself and I and everything and everyone around me. I felt like I was treading water, actually not water, more like a grey thick messy horrible goo that was stopping me being myself and getting to any place that was happy! Well, well well well, here we are, day 10 and honestly I can’t quite get over how different I feel. I feel bloody amazing.  So on Tuesday 18th off I went off to Bourne. I had told the Beard that there was no need for him to miss work and come with and instead I would go with Sheila. Sheila is my dads partner and it just so happens that in the last few years over various events and occurrences, we have ended up spending a lot of hospital ...

So January is nearly, nearly over and the last couple of weeks have probably been the best I have felt in about 6 months. I decided that this year I WAS going to have another go, one way or another we would fund it and I was going to be ready, mentally and physically. I was not sure how to go about this, but somehow I seem to have found my way and I am doing OK. I love a notebook, so with a beautiful new note book in front of me, with the prettiest cover, made for me by the wonderful 'Love Muffin' (she chose that blog name clearly not knowing me well enough that I would use it) I started investigating and planning. I decided to look at what I could do to prepare me, knowing what I know from round one, and soon I was writing down vitamins recommended, pills of loveliness that would make my eggs stronger and in just planning I started to feel my head clear and some calm come back into my life.  The one issue I felt that was stressing me out and causing me so much concern wa...

Its been a while, and I am in the need of writing. Its been a few weeks of wonder and woe, but one thing I have taken from this past few week is that I am not OK, but I am better and I have found myself in a long time. I have planted my tiny feet perfectly back into my happy shoes and I am in my miserable pants less and less. This is a good step. A step that I thought, just a few weeks ago would be so far out of my reach that I would never feel my complete self again. But Thanks to my wonderful support group of a great Beard and a select close friends, I am now laughing more than I am crying, not losing my shit and trivial things, OK I may still do that sometimes, but I am working again, and not freaking out in crowds. So having started to realise that I am in my happy place more often than not, I have started to be really productive in the IVF round 2 planning, now nothing can happen till we reach our target of funds, currently not too far off, but with hard work, the wonder...

The last few days have been some what crazy. Ambulances, hospitals, positive tests then bad news. I did also go to The Zoo, the zoo was wonderful, and if anything made me smile this week, it was the zoo.  Because I will remember this week for the Zoo, not for all the shit.  It is with the saddest feeling in my stomach that I am writing this, but this was not our time. As I have said many times before, I write this to help me, to try to get all the feelings in my head out, because, anyone that knows me, knows I am a hot headed dick at times, but they also know I have a soft centre, a huge heart and right now it is breaking. Through this muddle, and this may come as a shock as I am a girl that likes to talk, I find it hard to say what I am thinking, so why I have been advised by a few to 'concentrate on me' 'forget the blog' but I cant. I need to get it out, I need to also let people know, as by choosing to be open about all this has reunited me with so many people wh...

They say what does not kill you, makes you stronger right? Well if that is the case, my super powers and my pants, leggings and cape surely must be out for delivery by now? Today marks one week down, one to go! Part of me can not quite believe that this week is over already and it was last Friday we had the transfer, it seems unbelievable that I am sitting here, writing this, with one week down. In answer to the question you are all thinking, no! I have not tested. I have stocked up, even though the hospital gave us 2 too bring home, I have never wanted to piss on a stick more than anything, but no, I  have been so good and not done so. There are a 2 reasons, and to put you all in the loop, here they are. 1. False Negative / Positives - This is a thing, this can happen. See if I tested to early,  I could show positive from the hormones inside me from the trigger jab. Now as much as I want a positive result,  I want one that means this little bearded beauty has st...

What a whirlwind week The Beard and I have had. All started Monday with the scan, being told the lining was looking good,  to then being told no more injections. We then got the call and Wednesday was the day for Collection. I spent Tuesday feeling pretty sick with nerves. This part of the procedure was the only thing I had googled as it was the only part that worried me. I really wish I had not, it sent my anxiety through the roof and made me feel like a walking bag of jellyfish, all wobbly and fully charged with sickness.  We arrived at hospital and we was taken straight through where I had to change into a sexy gown (I do not even know what sexy feels like) and the lovely nurse spoke to us about what was going to happen. This involved The Beard being issued paper work and his sample pot and myself being given drugs to make me wobbly, the biggest suppository I have ever seen and lube and gloves to go with said suppository. Least The Beard gets the hard task of Masturbat...