Buckle up - Its a Big Honest Blog of Emotions and Masturbation, Embryos and A Hungry Beard

What a whirlwind week The Beard and I have had. All started Monday with the scan, being told the lining was looking good,  to then being told no more injections. We then got the call and Wednesday was the day for Collection. I spent Tuesday feeling pretty sick with nerves. This part of the procedure was the only thing I had googled as it was the only part that worried me. I really wish I had not, it sent my anxiety through the roof and made me feel like a walking bag of jellyfish, all wobbly and fully charged with sickness.  We arrived at hospital and we was taken straight through where I had to change into a sexy gown (I do not even know what sexy feels like) and the lovely nurse spoke to us about what was going to happen. This involved The Beard being issued paper work and his sample pot and myself being given drugs to make me wobbly, the biggest suppository I have ever seen and lube and gloves to go with said suppository. Least The Beard gets the hard task of Masturbation, sigh!

So The Beard went off and I was given my drugs, advised I would start to feel wobbly in about 20 minutes. I was also handed a kidney tray with the largest suppository I had ever seen and a dollop of lube and a sexy pair of gloves, off I went to administer my own pain relief. Cuts are really taken effect. Within about 15 minutes I was having a lovely time, sat in my dressing gown, laughing at the people behind the curtains who were highly humorous, wondering where The Beard was. I thought he must of been struggling, finding it hard to 'perform' under pressure. I wanted to see him before that took me away. With that he appeared. He was all apologetic, bless him he thought they had took me, it was only when he asked a nurse if I was out of theatre that they advised I was still waiting. I told him it didn't matter, he was here now. Then I spotted something. It all fell into place. He hadn't struggled at all, my lovely Beard had done what he always does best, he had hunted out food and drink! here is me nil by mouth, and he's came back with cream in his beard! He is so cheeky, last time I was going in for an op, as they was putting me nil by mouth, The Beard went off to take full advantage of burger kings 30 nuggets offer, full on compassion my husband. Nest thing I know the nurse had come to get me, woken me, I must of dozed off, well this was a heavily sedated procedure. I was wheeled down to theatre, I remember feeling so anxious and my back side was stinging from that massive bloody pill they made me pop up there, glad The Beard had a nice 'relaxing morning'. Next thing I know, i was back in my chair, no pain and confused as I honestly do not remember a thing. Best way apparently, but I felt relieved as I was so nervous and I seemed to have been very very lucky.  Th nurse came round, fed me with a delicious croissant, nice tea, made me wee, then told us they had 5 eggs. 5 lovely eggs removed. I'm not going to lie, at first I was gutted, this was not high. But then, as the nurse reassured me, seeing my face discolour I am sure, it only takes one. We left the hospital, I cried all the way home, I in fact cried all day. I also had to await a call to advise me what tie I should give myself the trigger injection. The call came, the time was 9.30pm, I was shattered. The rest of the day was me laying about, posting things on social media twice as I had been so high the first time  didn't remember nd having naps with amazing dreams. All of this distracted me from the fact the next day i had to call the clinic to see if The Little Beards Liked the look of Little GSacks and if we would be going to the final stage of IVF and going in for transfer.

I was awake at 7am wide awake, nervous and watching my phone, which was ridiculous as they said they would call after 9am. 9.20am the No Caller ID flashed up and I froze, i didn't w3ant bad news, it was early, surely too early, oh god it had not worked, shit. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!! I answered the phone. 5 eggs collected. 4 fertilised, 2 normally, and really nicely, 2 abnormally. This doesn't mean they cant be used, but they focus on normal ones. They wanted me in tomorrow at 12pm for Transfer. HOLY SMOKE! We did it. We got through to the final. Jesus, I was shaking, sobbing, happy tears, nervous tear, I called The Beard and he couldn't answer but soon as he could he called and he was over the moon. If they stopped growing, They would call me. Those words made me feel sick, and i sent the rest of the day watching my phone, the same the following morning, and then before I knew it we was on our way to get our Little Leeke popped back into its new home. I can not put into words how this made me feel. Actually one word I can think of is uncomfortable. See this procedure requires no pain relief, just a full bladder, as it is done through an ultra sound where they can guide the catheter with the little leeke and use the ultra sound image to pop it in the right place. All i can say is, I over drunk. I think in panic, and anyone reading this that  i going through this, please take this advice and do not over fill your bladder. For me the whole special moment of transfer was ruined as it was SO PAINFUL. I cried, I couldn't relax, and before I knew it it was over. The Beard held my hand the whole time, The DR was amazing and reassuring, the embryologist was also lovely, I think he knew he threw me as soon as we got into theatre. See it wasn't the fact that he appeared through sliding doors in a fog of smoke like stars in there eyes, it was because he said they was only putting one in. That, after hearing those words, threw me. That made my heart sink, at that point I herd nothing else, I felt like the grey mist I had started to see the back of had descended on me again and I was absolutely gutted. The transfer went well, I felt so much pain, I had my vagina showing through a surgical sheet and felt like a cat being spade, so yeah it went well. We left, after I had a 10 minute wee and I cried non stop. I cried all day, I didn't want to speak to anyone I didn't want to do anything. i wanted to get in my Disney jimjams and hide away. For the whole two week that I have to wait to test to see if I am pregnant. Luckily that has changed, The Beard gave me a good taking too as you see he is brilliant. Whilst i sat in theatre and heard 2 5ths of bugger all, him and his scientific brain took it all in and he made me feel better by explaining why one went in, and told me it was a Top Grade embryo and i feel a little better now. I am now on day Day 3 Post transfer, only 12 more to go :(

Th on going support is fantastic, I am still so glad I chose to be open about what we are going through, as it has helped us both to speak out an I know its helped these around us understand why I am such a mental bitch. Thank you again to each and every one of you. I will keep you posted as always, but now it is just a waiting game of folic acid, fighting the urge to pee on a stick and resting and relaxing! HA! Easier said than done.

Lots of love

A Desperate Mummy To Be xxxxx