Fuzzy head, Swollen Boobs and Building a Bloody Good Den

Yesterday was absolutely, unbearably awful. It was the first and worst where I have felt so unexplainably miserable and negative. This frightened me, made me anxious and I had to try very, very hard to stay off google not frighten myself further. 

After waking up feeling like I had not been to sleep at all, my skin in a massive spot breakout, my face puffy, I knew it was not going to be a fun day ahead.  I drove into work like a Zombie and walked in to the office, first in, instead of opening the blinds, I sat at my desk, alone and cried. Cried hard. I then saw someone approaching my office, I wiped my tears away and buried my head into my work.

The day was challenging. I felt sick, I was freezing cold, I looked a mess and I felt I mess and did I mention that I was freezing cold? The lovely ‘Father Christmas’ who I sit next to at work gave me his super think, large cardigan he keeps on his chair and I cocooned myself up into and tried to ignore the lump in the back of my throat and the absolute sheer aching and uncomfortableness of my suddenly much larger breasts. They were giving me loads of stick. I have already forked out nearly £60 on 2 new bras, and for someone that can normally obtain these in the kids section, this came as a shock.  The day continued as shit as it started and I just wanted to be at home, running a bath, getting into my Disney jimsjams, and hide away on my own.  

Finally, it was home time, I was out of that office quicker than OJ left the courtroom on verdict day and I was in my car and to be honest, as bad as it sounds, I do not really remember the drive home. That is kind of how my day was yesterday, If I had witnessed a crime, I would give the worst statement in the world, I could have been right in front of it, looking straight at it, but not be able to give one single detail. I pulled up on my drive and felt immediate raged as The Beard had parked his car in the middle, meaning I could not park anywhere! Men! I honked the horn, probably a bit too much and he came out and swiftly moved and gave me a massive smile, immediately I was glad to be home and felt bad for being angry.  He gave me a massive hug on the door step and I broke down saying I was hungry, tired and needed to just hide. The passing cars must of thought ‘get a room’ if they could of seen my face they would have been thinking ‘get away from her’.

The jab! The jab was not all that. Kind of went with my day. I filled up the syringe, I wiped my ever-expanding belly, and could I get the needle in? Could I hell as like, it finally went in with an angry push and I shouted so much, the Beard, who was watching me, jumped.  It was stinging and felt uncomfortable and was that way for the next 45 mins or so, but I swear because of how shitty I felt, everything seemed worst. I called out an SOS to the BBF who immedietly sent me a snapchat of the pub cat playing peekaboo in a giant carboard box, clearly a box his new golf clubs had arrived in. This was perfect, before I knew it The Beard and BBf were off to the driving range, leaving me to be miserable, fat and sore in my own environment. I had a lovely bath, until I caught sight of how gross I looked and then started to cry, I got into m y pyjamas and I laid on the bed and scrolled through facebook. There I come across a picture of a very beautiful little girl, in a den, watching dvds with her toys. I NEED THIS! I got right to it, I built a den, got the iPad in, stuck Moana on, popped my fluffy cushions in it and for the first time that day, I felt sad, but only as The Beard and BBF were not there to see such a wonderful spectacle. They arrived back, coaxed me out of my den, gave me treats and off they popped again.

I felt a little more content, happier and ready for bed. I slept for hours, I woke very little. Lets hope the fog clears and things get better.

A Desperate Mummy to Be