Mood swings, Dance Moves and a Public Toilet
The happiness remained, well i say remained, it came and went, but mainly stayed put, which was such a great feeling. I was, the first time in a long time, feeling like what imagined was 'normal' and I was loving it. We left our hotel on Sunday Morning, we had a very important BBQ to attend in the afternoon and everything was good. WE arrived home after a pit stop in Cambridge where The Beard effortlessly walked around a very quiet Primark with me, and I was very much looking forward to getting to the BBQ and seeing some of my nearest and dearest. 'Got your jabs' I here the Beard ask. As he spoke those words, I realised, I am going to have to take it all with me and do it out. Was I comfortable with this? Would I mess it up panicing? Suddenly lots of things to think about, but whilst my head was filling with all of these questions, I realised that I had packed up what i needed and already popped it into my bag.
Off we went, collecting one of the WOE (Witches of Eastwick) on our way and I felt happy to be spending time with some wonderful people. We arrived and as always, the hosts had gone all out, was like a mini festival and full of happiness, and soon full of people. Including the covern al together. My most favourite of all. Me and Penfold planned a sneak cheesecake attack on CC and Moo was her normal wonderful self cheering me up as soon as she got there by demanding a flute for her prosecco as wine glass would not cut it! 3 hours passed in a blur of laughter, singing, eating amazing grub. I suddenly noticed it was 18.02pm. I went to where I had stored my meds and proceeded to on with the job in hand. I struggled. I am not going to Lie, I bloody struggled. Weather it was being somewhere else, knowing there was a lot of people around. or just me being me and flipping out. I manged to do it, and immediately felt so sad and miserable, I could not find The Beard (turns out he was in the toilet) and when he emerged, I bit his head off, this then really upsetting me. He came and sat next to me, and it was then I knew, I just wanted to go home. This was gutting, it was beautiful weather, I was with great people, all the things that should make me want to be out and enjoy myself, but I now had a stinging belly, a miserable head and my throat was burning from the lump at the back of it. The Beard noticed, took my hand and said 'lets go' He is alright, I think I will keep him. We made our goodbyes, I felt terrible deserting so early, but everyone understood, we went home, I got into my new Micky Mouse PJS and built some Lego. I was in a happy place.
That night, I am pretty sure the house was working over time as a Greenhouse, I slept so bad, that when i woke it didn't surprise me that my Fit Bit informed me I only had 2 hours proper sleep, I got out of bed, which is directly in front of a huge mirrored wardrobe and recoiled in horror. Right there on my belly was a nice purple and black bruise. I am glad my crop top days are behind me, it looked like The Beard had got frisky and left a love bit on me. That set off the tears, a ridiculous amount of tears and I already knew the beautiful Bank Holiday I could see outside my window, was not going to work for me. My lovely niece number 2 messaged me to say the plans for the evening had changed, well that was enough to tip me over the edge. I said I thought I give it a miss, advised I was in bed, crying and hating the world. After sending, I then felt so shit. THIS SUCKED! I was longing for my happiness to return, but I simply couldn't make it work. I decided getting bathed dressed was probably a good first step, and plumped on using one of my new delicious bath bombs, Disaster, I chose one which offended me with its colour and there I was on the floor sobbing like an uncontrollable baby. I suck it up, bath and dress and then here someone downstairs. I go down looking like I had just finished a marathon that consited running through hedge after hedge, and there was Neice number 2 with her beautiful munchkin, a bag of M&S goodies and I Instantly felt that happiness creeping in.
Where would I be without those patient loved ones? I really do not know. Her popping round, telling me to sort my face and hair out and get out as planned was the best advice ever. I had such a lovely evening, I even had to take my meds with me again and administer in a restaurant toilet, and even though I felt like again, I was in a scene from Trainspotting, I was fine! I had this. I had a smile on my face, a beautiful meal in front of me and was with a section of my much loved and crazy family.
I laid on the couch thinking how glad I was when i went out, but realised whilst I was thinking happy thoughts my eyes were leaking sadness again! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!! This weekend has been full on emotional, from happy as a pig in shit, to feeling like I had lost everything I owned and loved. This is still only week one, but in a way I am glad I am feeling things as I am able to work out how to deal with them and realise that I have the best people around me. Even if it is my BBF whose way of cheering me up is to come round, spill water on me, rub is hand down my face repeatedly and to tell me to man up!
To each and every one of you - I love you
A Desperate Mummy to Be xxx
Off we went, collecting one of the WOE (Witches of Eastwick) on our way and I felt happy to be spending time with some wonderful people. We arrived and as always, the hosts had gone all out, was like a mini festival and full of happiness, and soon full of people. Including the covern al together. My most favourite of all. Me and Penfold planned a sneak cheesecake attack on CC and Moo was her normal wonderful self cheering me up as soon as she got there by demanding a flute for her prosecco as wine glass would not cut it! 3 hours passed in a blur of laughter, singing, eating amazing grub. I suddenly noticed it was 18.02pm. I went to where I had stored my meds and proceeded to on with the job in hand. I struggled. I am not going to Lie, I bloody struggled. Weather it was being somewhere else, knowing there was a lot of people around. or just me being me and flipping out. I manged to do it, and immediately felt so sad and miserable, I could not find The Beard (turns out he was in the toilet) and when he emerged, I bit his head off, this then really upsetting me. He came and sat next to me, and it was then I knew, I just wanted to go home. This was gutting, it was beautiful weather, I was with great people, all the things that should make me want to be out and enjoy myself, but I now had a stinging belly, a miserable head and my throat was burning from the lump at the back of it. The Beard noticed, took my hand and said 'lets go' He is alright, I think I will keep him. We made our goodbyes, I felt terrible deserting so early, but everyone understood, we went home, I got into my new Micky Mouse PJS and built some Lego. I was in a happy place.
That night, I am pretty sure the house was working over time as a Greenhouse, I slept so bad, that when i woke it didn't surprise me that my Fit Bit informed me I only had 2 hours proper sleep, I got out of bed, which is directly in front of a huge mirrored wardrobe and recoiled in horror. Right there on my belly was a nice purple and black bruise. I am glad my crop top days are behind me, it looked like The Beard had got frisky and left a love bit on me. That set off the tears, a ridiculous amount of tears and I already knew the beautiful Bank Holiday I could see outside my window, was not going to work for me. My lovely niece number 2 messaged me to say the plans for the evening had changed, well that was enough to tip me over the edge. I said I thought I give it a miss, advised I was in bed, crying and hating the world. After sending, I then felt so shit. THIS SUCKED! I was longing for my happiness to return, but I simply couldn't make it work. I decided getting bathed dressed was probably a good first step, and plumped on using one of my new delicious bath bombs, Disaster, I chose one which offended me with its colour and there I was on the floor sobbing like an uncontrollable baby. I suck it up, bath and dress and then here someone downstairs. I go down looking like I had just finished a marathon that consited running through hedge after hedge, and there was Neice number 2 with her beautiful munchkin, a bag of M&S goodies and I Instantly felt that happiness creeping in.
Where would I be without those patient loved ones? I really do not know. Her popping round, telling me to sort my face and hair out and get out as planned was the best advice ever. I had such a lovely evening, I even had to take my meds with me again and administer in a restaurant toilet, and even though I felt like again, I was in a scene from Trainspotting, I was fine! I had this. I had a smile on my face, a beautiful meal in front of me and was with a section of my much loved and crazy family.
I laid on the couch thinking how glad I was when i went out, but realised whilst I was thinking happy thoughts my eyes were leaking sadness again! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!! This weekend has been full on emotional, from happy as a pig in shit, to feeling like I had lost everything I owned and loved. This is still only week one, but in a way I am glad I am feeling things as I am able to work out how to deal with them and realise that I have the best people around me. Even if it is my BBF whose way of cheering me up is to come round, spill water on me, rub is hand down my face repeatedly and to tell me to man up!
To each and every one of you - I love you
A Desperate Mummy to Be xxx
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