See ya Later Mr Needle, its Been Emotional

I think I am OK. I mean, I have cried lots today, but I have laughed and the fuzz is finally clearing. Maybe that is because today I found out that this evening is the last time I have to inject myself. It is very weird, all this time I have felt utter shit, I actually think, as it has become such a habit, I will miss them. Did I just say that? I think I did.

So Friday we visited Bourne, they internally scanned me, which is always an uncomfortable process, but it is pretty cool having a little guided tour of your womb and ovaries. The nurse was lovely, as always and gave me a good look round my ovaries and took all the measurements of the follicles. She was very pleased with the way they were and the way my womb lining looked. I was advised to go home and continue with my dosage over the weekend and I would be rescanned today and hopefully my left ovary had found some energy and become less lazy and played catch up by then.

The weekend hit us, Saturday I felt sickie and had a head ache all day. Worried me as its exactly how I feel the day before Mother nature hits me each month. So I spent the day thinking I was about to start bleeding at any time, even though I knew I wouldn't, but I really worked myself up.  We had some visitor's and the little beauty that was laying on my lounge floor, playing with my lego was giving me a mild heart attack but at the same time so much happiness.  We had a lovely evening with lovely friends, we shared tales, we cried (It seems to be a standard daily occurrence) and we laughed. By 8.30pm The Beard and I laid in bed, watching a film and the heat started. The flush swept over me from my toes to my head, by the time I fell asleep I was laying in my pants, resembling like a beached whale and had 2 fans on me. One either side of the bed. The Beard sleeps deeper than the loch Ness monster and makes more noise than all the dolphins in all the world having a little natter. Really loudly.

Sunday was wonderful. The Beard went off to Golf with BBF and I had a hung over niece and a cheeky singing niece with me for the day. We decided to bake, boy did we bake. We made buns, cookies, cakes, all the time with High School Musical Everything was so much fun. Was happy, perfect. I can honestly say when they left I sat there and realised that it was the first day in what seems like for ever that I felt like me. I felt like Mrs Leeke that was able to not cry, to have fun, to laugh and to be around people. Then I realised I was alone and within about 10 minutes of being so I started to feel the knot in my stomach return. This worry was about my scan. Would my ovary have woken up over the weekend and kicked in, would they say 'sorry we can go no further' all these thoughts started filling my head like someone was tipping them in through my ear with a funnel. I barely slept, I was restless and had got myself into a vicious circle. I knew I was stressing too much, but the more I realised that I then would stress over over stressing! Oh the fun I have.

So The appointment came, I woke up looking shit, feeling shit and a bundle of nerves. We hardly spoke on the way to hospital, I had the biggest lump in my throat and not really any idea why. We did have a brief conversation about hippos wearing blue swimming trunks so the crocodiles cant bite there penis underwater, as they may mistake it for a sausage, and if Punch and Judy taught me anything it was crocodiles really liked Sausages. Again, welcome to the world of Leekes. It is pretty messed up, but most of the time, so much fun.

So Good news is lazy lefty woke up over the weekend and worked hard and all is ready for egg collection. ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! This makes me feel 2 things. Excited but mainly sick. Sick for the following reasons
Catheter
Needle, long arse needle
My vaginal wall.
My legs are crossed so hard and have been since this morning, come Wednesday they may well be stuck like this.  But it is good news. So we have got this far. Stage once complete. Injections finished. Well not quite. I have one last one to complete this evening. I had to wait for the nurse to call today after they took my bloods so that they could determine what time I would need the 'trigger' jab. So 9.30pm, I will be piercing my own belly for the last time. I shall probably have a little kitchen dance to celebrate and I will encourage The Beard to join in. Although no encouragement will be required, he loves a boogie in the Leeke Kitchen, often the instigator to be fair.

So Tonight is my last jab, Tomorrow i am off to have new hair, hunt down Disney Primark goods, a new dressing gown for hospital go for a tour round a orange topped crazy mans work place. I rather like this crazy man, so it will be fun and I am going to hit tomorrow full of beans and happy and not stress over Wednesday. Wednesday will come and hopefully we will conquer. As if it was not real enough before, now it is very real, and all seems to be getting more so by the day.

I will check in after the Egg Catcher has come in and took his dozen or so.

A Desperate Mummy to Be

xxxx